Sorry I Was Late
a poem on arriving and slow dopamine
Sorry it took me so long. You waited patiently at our favorite spot. Coffee steaming in front of an empty chair. I've never been good at being on time. Then again, time doesn't hold you captive the same way. Still, I was caught up trying to busy myself with stuff I thought would impress you. My heart buzzing an anxious rhythm, my mind pacing like a prowling lion. But you waited without spite, like letting a toddler throw a tantrum before offering a hug; calm and reassuring. With the first sip of freshly brewed coffee, my heart sighs in relief as I take my seat in the presence of your loving care.
Postscript
The birth story of this poem comes from being caught up in striving while I was working in ministry. I felt like I always needed to do more to prove I was a good leader. Yet, I felt like I was behind for some reason—like I needed to be where all the great saints were, miles ahead of me.
(As a side note, my toxic trait is that I’m very rarely on time to anything. Not because I don’t value people’s time, but because in my mind, I always have time to do one more thing before I need to leave or get ready. Aka ADHD math according to TikTok).
Anyway, over the last two years Jesus has shown me that he’s not after my striving, but my whole being. He never asked me to kill myself slowly through performance, but was asking for my presence. So this poem is also a prayer offering to the strivers out there. We’re not late, we’re just in time <3
Joy Bomb
This week’s joy offering is a little niche, but I hope you enjoy it regardless.
I’ve been trying to find ways to be on my phone less, but still wanted something tangible to do that helps my brain chill out. Enter in erasure poetry. It has been a great slow dopamine hit trying to piece together poems from literature. I went to the thrift store, found an old western novel for two bucks, and have had tons of fun making poems.
Here’s a little example from the other day:
I was lovely and flighty
But turned toward
reputation
not acknowledgement
Smile again
You called
If you ever give this try, please tag me! I love reading what people come up with.
Thank you for taking the time to read my publication! The purpose of sharing these short stories and poems are to keep myself in a place of awe and wonder instead of losing my soul to doom-scrolling. My writing will always be free to read, but if you would like to support this tired mom you can buy me a coffee.